The Kremlin Cheating Game - By Boris Tumanov

Essay

THE KREMLIN CHEATING GAME

By Boris Tumanov
September 2006
Source

Russian power is unable to withstand competition either within the country or in the international arena. That is why it prefers to call its competitors enemies

We are used to believing that the surprise of Biblical Balaam was caused by the fact that his ass began to speak in human language. In reality, Balaam’s ass, obedient as it was to divine forces, acquired the ability to speak exclusively to assess correctly the situation in which its master had found himself. It was this which struck Balaam most of all.

Meanwhile, such shocks can happen in our days too, for example, while reading the truly wonderful words of the Kremlin’s decorative Chechen. These words so eloquently characterize the century-old and unshakeable foundation of the Russian state and Russian power that one has to wonder how the creator of the superficial and unprofessional Marching Together and Nashi (Ours) organizations could arrive at the ideas. Apparently, divine forces intervened.

The man in question, Vladislav Surkov, said the following:

“It would be good to flee to Europe, but it will not accept us. Russia is a European civilization, it is the badly-lit outskirts of Europe, but not Europe as such. In this sense we are indissolubly linked with Europe and have to be friends with it. Europe is not an enemy, it is simply a competitor. This is all the more offensive that we’re not enemies. If one confronts the enemy on a battlefield, one may die a heroic death. But to lose a competition means to be a powerless dupe. And this seems to me doubly offensive.

“It’s better to be open enemies than ambiguous friends…”

Touched sore place

I shall repeat: it could only be divine intervention that roused Vladislav Surkov to such a frank admission that the bastardization of Russian power and, consequently, Russian society has acquired such an irreversible character. In essence, he has betrayed the main factor which determines the outlook and perception of all Russians, from tramps to the president, namely, each person knows that he is, and always will be, incapable of competition according to civilized rules, or, in other words, that he is a dupe.

From Surkov’s admission follows that the Russians do not intend to change anything in their mores and morals. To put it a different way, we have decided to insist on using the rules of the old Russian game gorodki while playing golf with our partners. And when the latter refuse, we fall into hysterics and begin thinking that all Europeans should be called enemies and we’d better die heroically in the war against them, as long as they too are killed to the last man. This, according to Surkov and his ilk, would be less offensive than to lose a competition to the West.

I remember the case of the Hogbens, a family of mutants, and the eternal loser Yensi, who believed that the entire world was against him. It was described by Henry Kuttner in his book Mutant. The reason was that, while in New York, he had a bit too much to drink and took the subway. Some guy in a crowded car stepped on his sore foot inadvertently. After that, Yensi dreamed of hitting the culprit on the head with a stick. He didn’t know what he looked like, so to be on a safe side, Yensi asked the omnipotent Hogbens to enable him to hit all human beings, including old folks, women, children and even the newborn babies.

All this ended sadly for Yensi. Subconsciously realizing the danger of being hit itself, the Russian elite, although suffering from the “Yensi syndrome” and instilling it painstakingly in the masses, is not in a hurry to wreak its vexation on mankind so far. Because not all of our patricians at the federal and regional level have enjoyed the blessings of five-star hotels, Brazilian carnivals, and the luxury of haute couture and beauty parlors. And their wives have not yet learned how to wear hats at prestigious horseraces properly in order not to evoke condescending smiles from the connoisseurs of etiquette, to say nothing of real estate in foreign countries and accounts in foreign banks.

This is why they try to convince both their foreign partners and themselves that they are victims of barbarous Russian traditions. As Surkov says himself, nothing can be done with judges in Russia if they are corrupt by nature. Who would resist the temptation of buying them? And so, messieurs, please understand our position. We have to take our traditions into account. Besides, we cannot do anything for we live in such a barbarous country.

Another people are needed

These words are not new. They have been said time and again to justify the nasty things perpetrated by Russian power. If one is to believe Count Alexei Tolstoy, author of the historical novel Peter the Great, three centuries ago similar words could be heard in Europe too. Czar Peter, meeting Kurfuerstin Sophia of Hannover, complained about the imperfect nature of the people he ruled by the will of God. “Ours is a gloomy country. You wouldn’t be able to live even a day there without fear. There are 30,000 thieves and brigands around Moscow alone. They say that I’m cruel and bloothirsty. But don’t believe it. Most of all I like to build ships. I love the sea and fireworks. And it’s all lies that I’m ferocious and bloody. But living side by side with our people, anybody would be infuriated. Everything should be broken in Russia and built anew. But our people are so obstinate. One can be whipped to the bones, but he’ll have his own way…”

In our days, almost the same things are being said to George W. Bush, Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder, with slight modifications. “These human-rights campaigners say about me that I have ordered to arrest Khodorkovsky, and that I want to usurp power… Don’t believe them. I like democracy most of all. I adore general human values and human rights. I am not a dictator. But just try to live with our people in Moscow… Anyone would become wicked…”

The last sentence has become the eternal refrain of Russian power which, in contrast to its royal and communist predecessors, does not conceal today the fact that it purposefully holds the country and society in the medieval conditions for the sake of its comfort and impunity. This desire is an aim in itself, and the people in the Kremlin are simply unable to see that their demagogy became schizophrenic long ago.

On one hand, the Russians are constantly being told about their grandeur, perfection and high moral qualities, about Russia’s role to show the world that the Russian man is more civilized and educated than all those living abroad who are trying to teach him some sense. And on the other, and practically parallel with these protestations, we are being told that our country is gloomy, and we are rough bumpkins who are not mature enough for democracy. Hence, it would be better for us, stupid and primitive as we are, to respect our dear power, but not the law.

Judging by the fact that these subjects are constantly discussed by the henchmen of the Kremlin, this is a social order for the authorities who, on the threshold of the 2008 presidential elections, are definitely looking for political immortality. This stems either from greed or from fear, or both. The Kremlin henchmen state almost openly that, in its social development, Russia is somewhere between England when peasants were evicted from their land and the England of the Luddites.

Although Europe is a big nuisance and constant irritant for the inhabitants of the Kremlin, although they seem to dream of a head-on collision with it, it remains a certain criterion for them. Of course, this is nothing but voluntarism pure and simple, inasmuch as the real state of Russian society resembles not so much the history of England as certain African countries today, both in the state of society and in the moral qualities of the political elite.

Russia restless and wandering

Perhaps some readers may find these words more offensive than the comparison of today’s Russian society with the medieval England. This is a dubitable point. But the indisputable fact is that Russia has indeed become frozen on the wayside of world social development. This is not because democratic values are alien to the Russian people organically, but because, since the time of Peter the Great, Russian power has quite consciously and stubbornly kept society in the primeval state, not wishing to give up even an ounce of its depraved munificence. From this point of reference, Russia is a senseless state whose existence has been bolstered up by far-fetched arguments.

The geographical position of Russia and its participation in European politics have not made it a genuinely European state. Of course, the Russian imperial elite acquired a European gloss and felt quite at ease in the high society of Paris, London, Rome and Berlin. But emancipation did not touch tens of millions of Russians whose social consciousness remained as it had been in the 17th century.

The meaningless and disorderly territorial conquests of Russia (as Count Sergei Vitte aptly remarked) did not change anything for the better for the greater mass of the population. Still worse, they practically stopped the maturing of the national consciousness of the Russians.

This was due to the fact that the artificially created imperial grandeur of Russia divided the Russian nation. European Russia had nothing in common with coarse rural Russia, which suffered from inferiority complexes, hatred and distrust for its own elite and subconsciously transferred them on to the West and its civilization. Eventually, the famous formula invented by Count Uvarov (“Autocracy, Orthodox Christianity and national spirit”) as the conceptual basis of the unviable state proved no more effective than the communist invocations about the friendship of the peoples, equality and fraternity, as well as the Soviet people’s mission of world importance.

It would seem that one thousand years would be enough for any nation to completely understand its place and mission in the international community. But Russia is not such a nation. It remains restless and wandering, continuing to rush about between Europe and Asia, tempted easily by the historical-mathematical quackery of Anatoly Fomenko and the geopolitical nightmares of Alexander Dugin about Continental and Oceanic civilizations. It continues to harp on the “age-old Russian lands,” without the least idea of the real boundaries of its territorial expanses. Russia faces its past, vainly trying to find in it new evidence of its grandeur and its exclusiveness, but refusing to see and admit its own past errors or draw adequate conclusions from them. These ailments were aggravated in the last century and can be compared with the disintegration of the personality.

Our kind-hearted shepherds

Having expelled or destroyed the inhabitants of the upper echelons of imperial Russia, rural and proletarian Russia got rid of its inferiority complex, but contracted another disease, a grave and prolonged one. It was megalomania, which Soviet power easily maintained in the complete isolation of the builders of communism from bourgeois influence. The formation of the Russian nation was retarded and virtually stopped by those in the huge building of the communist Central Committee in the center of Moscow, who invented the ideological formula of the “new historical community of Soviet people.” For quite a long time, we were sincerely proud of the grandeur of our achievements, whose practical value was exactly equal to that of the Egyptian pyramids. But that pride began to vanish quickly when forced to eat instant soup and cereal while on business trips abroad. Homo soveticus in his social nature had nothing in common with the inhabitant of the czarist Russia. But the nature of power and its more or less openly parasitic relationship to the masses remained as did their political and social ignorance. True, power itself, being one bone and one flesh of the people, has not gone far ahead of its fellow citizens, degrading along with them.

That process is still going on in this country. The Russian elite continues to engage in what it sincerely believes to be state management, namely, the invention of ever new “mechanisms” and “projects” to strengthen the unity of the nation and power and ensure the security of the country. Of the latest inventions, mention should be made of the promotion of business tycoons to the post of governors and the patriotic bicycle race that Nashi dedicated to the memory of the heroic feat of Citizen Minin and Prince Pozharsky in the early 17th century, whom the participants in the race heard of only an hour before its start, as they themselves admitted.

With the only national idea being methods to perpetuate Vladimir Putin’s power, Russian society has finally lost all value orientations and is prepared for leading a vegetative life. Judging by what is said by some dwellers of the Kremlin and political commentators, Russian power agrees with this evaluation. Since it is not warning society about the danger of the situation or instilling in it even elementary notions of democracy and civic duty, it must be satisfied with it. Because power knows that a herd needs a shepherd, and it consciously keeps society in this state to remain in the role of the supreme shepherd of the silent society.

Commander of the Russian Navy Admiral Vladimir Masorin was horrified when he learnt the reasons why seven submarine crew members nearly died in the Far East waters recently. He called a spade a spade, emphasizing the Russian slovenliness and irresponsibility, which had from time immemorial bred passivity and indifference and allowed Russian power to remain incompetent and corrupt. Representatives of this power complain about the high competitiveness of European partners, who have put an end to the slovenliness and irresponsibility that existed in their countries previously, specially for the purpose of harming Russia and making its present elite look like chumps.

Collective Yensi

Quite recently, we sincerely believed that the victory over Nazi Germany in the last war would serve Russia as an eternal indulgence for all the crimes and sins of its power. One should not be surprised if we soon tell Europe about how we protected it from the invasion of the Tatar-Mongol hordes and saved its civilization from Genghiz Khan in times of yore. And today ungrateful Europe is constantly reminding us of human rights. Indeed, Surkov is right when he says that it would be better being an enemy than an ambiguous friend.

Just imagine people who are convinced that they prevented the disintegration of Russia by turning it into a unitary state, but who are not resolute enough to ban cars with right-hand steering wheels, inasmuch as they know that that measure could porovoke separatist tendencies in Maritime Territory, if not in the entire Russian Far East.

Imagine people who are so unsure of the stability of their power that they fear “orange revolution” and “foreign rule.” Meanwhile, they subconsciously realize that, under their current rule, the country is almost ripe for foreign rule. In other words, they now realize that they are dumbbells.

Incidentally, people in the West don’t believe complaints about Russian society being unprepared to live in democracy without all and sundry reservations (“guided” or “controlled,” “moderate,” “patriotic,” “stage-by-stage,” “Orthodox Christian,” “Slavic” democracy, etc., etc.). Only Kurfuerstin Sophia was moved to pity by the tales of Russian barbarism.

One can become furious, ideed. One tried as he might to look European and behave accordingly, learn to eat escargot with a special fork, pretend to like their sour swill called “dry wine,” and so what?... The G8 have been talked into having the next meeting in Russia, which has now earned billions upon billions of petrodollars, its cavalry regiment now caracoles in the Kremlin no worse than the British royal cavalry guards, we have now learnt to compile the annual messages to the Federal Assembly just as in Europe, the Constitution is mentioned now and then, and still they look at us like dupes. Just imagine, they don’t want to play gorodki with us!...

Like Henry Kuttner’s hero, Russian power also constantly remembers its sore spot. The only difference is that it made it more painful itself when it had sacrificed the interests of society to its own imperial interests in the time of Peter the Great. Our power is unable to admit its historic defeat and work to increase Russian competitiveness. Its grasping instincts have always been stronger than common sense. Besides, our power will hardly compete successfully with anybody or anything without the help of the Prosecutor General’s Office. It is precisely due to this that our “collective Yensi” tries to convince himself and all Russians that the world has it in for long-suffering Russia.

The Kremlin dream expressed by Vladislav Surkov of venting the humiliating realization of its own inferiority on the whole of humanity in a heroic head-on collision will remain nothing more than the gritting of teeth. However, their intentions, if realized, would ruin Russia.