Deep Throat Returns:
Insider Notes from the Pentagon
02-12-2003
Political Evolution 101: Truman (1945), Lying Adolescents (2003)
We tend to credit American foreign policy to Ivy League elitists.
Truman didn’t attend college at all, but the bombs he dropped in 1945 did more to shape the security policy of the past six decades than all of the graduates from Harvard and Yale put together.
Are we going back to the future? Today’s ham-handed, boot-stomping security policy is the wet dream of a foreign policy gang of testosterone-fueled teenagers, spoiling for a fight, and longing to make their mark with a big bang. And unlike Truman, this crowd has Ivy League sheepskins for added credibility.
Like Truman – they’d like a simple elegant solution to a complex and diffuse problem.
Unlike Truman, these young Turks with their bifocals and their balding gray heads should know better.
Instead of taking them seriously, we ought to be holding back our own laughter while telling our children not to point.
Except for the unnerving little fact that their fingers are twitching on the nuclear options and – unlike Harry S. Truman – none of them have seen the dirty side of a real battlefield, up close and personal.
In spite of their accumulated years, they are young at heart. They have grand ideas about justice, a longing to prove they have real talent, and their designs would solve everything "if only they were running the world." Yeah, I remember being 17, too.
This crowd epitomizes, sadly, Ivy League elitism at its best. But, in fact, they behave like high school drop-outs. They don’t need to learn anything else from the system. In the Pentagon, that means military professionals and military history in general. Oops! Does General Gingrich count?
Like delinquents hanging out in front of the pool hall, proving loyalty and out-groupthinking the group is of primary importance. Sloganeering, name-calling, and labeling as anti-American those who criticize or question the gang is mandatory.
This gang is unlike previous foreign policy teams – although people have told me it reminds them of LBJ and McNamara’s crowd. Of course, that was a great bunch and we all have high hopes.
There is Shrub. Supposedly the leader, can assume the role on occasion, but deep thinking isn’t his forte. However, he has a rich daddy, and he has the car. The fact that he’s already busted the national budget and continues to speed in that direction is irrelevant. The American people haven’t grounded him yet, so the gang’s got the money and the wheels (and tracks and wings and hulls).
There is Rough Rider Rummy, self-appointed mouthpiece, known for zingers and intimidation power, ready to wrestle anyone to the ground for looking cross-eyed at him. Deep thinking also missing here, but you still have to be impressed. Rummy sure is, anyway! And self-esteem is so important to young people these days….
There’s a handful of geeks and freaks, the brains behind the operation, asking the "What if we remake the world through force?" questions and designing experiments. Wolfowitz, Feith, Cheney and the ubiquitous Richard Perle. And there are the spineless wannabe’s in the media who can’t stop echoing the words of the gang leaders.
Analysis? No time for it! We’ve got a war on!
Facts? Facts, shmacts, we don’t need no stinkin’ facts! We already know what we are going to do!
Just war? Yeah, it’s just a little war, a small skirmish! Whaddya mean? And where’s the damn call-up order I asked for! And what about that CRAF mobilization, and I better not hear any whines from American Airlines, either!
Who’s buying the beer, paying for the destruction, rebuilding Iraq and feeding the Iraqis? Shrub, of course – doesn’t he always? And the bank is open, baby, thanks to you taxpaying suckers out there, your kids, and grandkids, and their kids, and their ...
Have they thought this through? If the gang guessed right, it will be a quick war, easy and clean, no Mogadishu on the Euphrates. Democracy and cross-cultural friendship will blossom like desert flowers after a gentle Texas rain, and the world will be a far safer place for everyone. Or not.
The $100 to $200 billion it’s gonna cost will be quickly and painlessly absorbed by the grand coalition of the willing. Or whatever.
The Iraqi people will reject pan-Arabism, ethnic nationalism, and revenge killing. They will stand as one to resist the centrifugal forces we’re unleashing. They will rise as an Iraqi people, and form a single state (democratic, of course), liberated into a bright future by fine and gallant Americans. Maybe.
Our new partners in Iraq and rest of the Mideast will proudly say "We stood with our American friends, and really, they aren’t crusaders at all – just buddies, pals, and benefactors. And they can really help us with that gnarly old oil field development too!" Yummy.
And global terrorism conducted by run-of-the-mill terrorists like al Qaeda, homegrown kooks and the occasional bad evil dictator will be greatly reduced. Because they got told, they got shown, and they respect strength. Right?
Truman, for all of his lack of sophistication, lack of formal education, and straightforward language, was well known as an honest man, who didn’t envision changing the world as drastically as he did.
The gang in charge today has tons of sophistication, a great deal of education, and they don’t have an honest bone among them. They not only envision changing the world, but they are dying to experiment just to see what happens.
That’s "dying" in a figurative sense. In this test of "what’ll happen if…," the real dying -- you guessed it -- will be left to others.